What Exactly Is Antinatalism?

Humans have a tough time grasping simple philosophies and personal stances, hopefully this will help.

Dietz explaining the concept of SHK to a receptive girl who was out with her mom in Bend, OR.

“Are you an antinatalist?”  My first serious intimate partner asked me this when I was in my mid 20s, almost a decade ago. My memory is usually awful, but I actually remember exactly where I was standing when my partner asked this question: We were in my cute little living room in my solo dwelling apartment in Austin, TX. I suppose I can still recall where I was asked this question because antinatalism, or the philosophical and ethical stance that absolutely no humans should procreate, has been increasingly important to me for a long time, and it wasn’t exactly common to find others who felt the same way. This former partner and I bonded over many things, including our realism about worldviews, our constant hunger for knowledge, our passion for standing up against injustice, and our desire to spread ideas that could easily be put into practice to help mitigate needless pain, suffering, and eternal injustices in the world.

I didn’t know what antinatalism meant, so I had to ask. I think their response was something along the lines of “being against humans making babies.” I didn’t even have to contemplate if I was antinatalist or not because by that definition I had already been antinatalist for over a decade at that point. But until then, I hadn’t known there was a word that summed up my thoughts and feelings towards humans making more humans and continuing the cycle of nonsense. It was a relief to know there was a word for how I felt. Later that day, I found out there was a Facebook group for people who felt this way and lived their lives accordingly– people who were vegan and antinatalist, standing against needless exploitation, suffering, and death for humans and nonhuman animals alike.

Personally, I’ve always had the desire to not have any kids. I began to feel this way when I was just a young child, and my stance never wavered throughout my childhood, adolescence, or adulthood. I never once looked at a baby or child and thought “I want my own one day.” I’ve never seen a dead person and thought “I want to create a new person who will die one day.” My anti-procreation stance began simply as a personal desire to not bring new life into the world, but I don’t remember having any issue with other people having kids if that’s what they wanted to do. If anything I was probably just against people having “too many” kids.

My first antinatalist memory (before I knew such a word existed) was as a young teenager in school during the lunch period. After I finished eating, I’d try to spend the remainder of the lunch period walking around the hallways to pass the time away. I didn’t have any great friends to stay and socialize with, so I’d try to do what I could to reduce the loneliness and overall unpleasantness of the 30-minute lunch until it was time to go to the next dreadful class. While walking away from the lunch tables, I had been thinking about the rocky mountain of personal burdens that I had to deal with in and out of school on a daily basis, and how all of this suffering could have been avoided had I just never been brought into existence in the first place. I understood that my existence was due to the choices of two other people who could have opted out of procreation. Even though their choice to bring me into the world was full of good intentions, their life choices put me in harm's way.

This thought about preventing suffering extended to all humans, not just me. I thought about how everyone could have been spared all of their suffering and misery had their creators made different life choices. I wasn’t solely focused on thinking about the suffering that individuals feel themselves, but also how we all inflict pain and suffering onto others, intentionally and unintentionally, and how this could all be spared by us never living in the first place. Of course most humans don’t experience literal non stop suffering (like the animals most humans ingest on a daily basis) but someone who never exists cannot miss good things like joy and pleasure. If I had never existed, I wouldn’t be happy to not exist or sad to not exist– I just wouldn’t exist and wouldn’t know the difference. So why must we force others to exist, and why would we want to if we know they will be guaranteed to experience and create more needless suffering? Later, I’d come to realize that most humans don’t really care about the consequences of their actions, especially if their actions bring them personal satisfaction.

I had my first antinatalist thought well before I had ever heard of climate change and global warming. I had no idea sexual abuse was so prevalent. I didn’t know there were well over 100 million orphans around the world. I didn’t know that so many people killed themselves and way more attempted to but failed. I didn’t realize that the trash we produce poisons our planet and its inhabitants– it doesn’t simply degrade and disappear. I had no idea that we killed millions of living beings each minute, and that our main relationship with other animals was exploitation, confinement, sexual assault, capture, killing, and ingestion- definitely not companionship or rescue. I had no idea that the food that brought my taste buds temporary pleasure brought real life permanent misery to the humans and nonhumans behind my food choices. I didn’t realize we lived in a political system where corruption thrives and almost always conquers. Suffice it to say, when I first became an antinatalist I was not fully aware of the madness and depravity of the world, or of how much life already existed in need of vast improvement and support. As I’ve aged, I’ve come to learn more about the world and different people’s experiences, struggles, and cycles of trauma and abuse- all of which further strengthens and reinforces my antinatalism.

Since I had that first antinatalist thought, I’ve still never had a personal desire to have a biological kid and I’ve never known a human or known of a human who I’d be okay with having kids. I simply think nobody should have kids (on their own will, not by force) and that’s what makes me genuinely antinatalist. If someone finds it to be an acceptable or good thing for any number of humans (no matter how small) to have kids, whether it’s just themself or one or more other people, then they are not antinatalists. You are either against human procreation or not. Antinatalism will always remain a personal stance for me and most, if not all, antinatalists out there. I’ve yet to ever hear an example of an antinatalist ever forcing someone else to not have kids. I force myself to not have kids, that’s it.

There are many misconceptions in regards to antinatalism. Some people have the misconception that antinatalism and eugenics are related. However, antinatalism is the stance of being against human procreation entirely and it never manifests into actually taking away rights, bodily autonomy, and life itself from people who exist. Eugenics is pro human procreation for specific types of humans who are viewed as superior and against certain types of people procreating because they are viewed as inferior (can be based on race, religion, body condition, intelligence level, financial class, criminal record, etc.) Unlike antinatalism, eugenics does actually manifest into real life atrocities such as forced institutionalization, forced sterilizations, family separation, assimilation, and killing. Some people say that eugenicists are antinatalist to certain people, but this doesn’t make sense because antinatalism is against all human procreation regardless of circumstances, whereas eugenicists want lots of human procreation, but only from their preferred group of people, while outsider groups are forcibly sterilized. Simply put, you can’t simultaneously be a eugenicist and an antinatalist: As long as someone is pro human procreation in any capacity then they are not antinatalist.

Some people have called China’s one-child policy (now three-child policy) an antinatalist policy. This is incorrect. If China truly had an antinatalist policy (which has never existed anywhere in the world) then their policy would be a complete ban on human procreation. Having a policy that allows and encourages people to have one or more children is a pro-natalist policy.

Humans will say that antinatalists are anti-life. Antinatalists are against starting a life for someone, not taking away a life or destroying a life that’s already here. If antinatalism is focused on the unborn, or the non-existent, then we aren’t anti-life because we are talking about something that isn’t even a life yet. You could say antinatalists are pro-life because we want to help prevent people from experiencing pain, suffering, and injustice by not coming into a world they can’t desire or consent to and we want life to be better for those who do have to come into the world. By myself and other antinatalists not creating additional humans, we aren’t bringing anyone into the world to potentially cause more rapes, more traffic and car accidents, more pollution, more displacement and killing of wild animals, more confinement and killing of exploited animals, more domestic violence, more racism, etc. Not bringing someone into existence can be a caring thing to do for oneself, for that potential future person, and for life that is already here. 

We aren’t advocating for humans having no kids, just not creating kids from the ether. There are plenty of kids here on Earth, currently in need of stability, love, and homes. The people who really want to parent and have the proper capabilities to parent should be prioritizing those kids who exist. Children who currently need help matter just as much as their potential biological kids would.

I spoke with a girl at a recent SHK outreach event who was familiar with SHK. She told me she doesn’t know whether she’s antinatalist or not. After she explained to me that she might want to have a kid one day, but that she believes 99% of humans shouldn’t have kids, I knew she wasn’t antinatalist because she’s not against all human procreation. Maybe one day this individual will be antinatalist (I hope), but she clearly isn’t right now if she’s considering having a kid one day and if she still doesn’t see it as a bad thing if a very small number of specific types of people have kids.

It’s never a good thing to make blanket statements or generalizations about people because of a certain label they have, including antinatalists. People of all backgrounds, personalities, political beliefs, ages, and childbearing status can be antinatalist. It’s technically possible for someone to have a kid one day and then for whatever reason become an antinatalist the next day, no different than how someone can go kill an animal on a hunting trip one day and become vegan the next day.

The only thing all antinatalists are guaranteed to share in common is that they assign a negative value to human procreation. There are no rules to be an antinatalist and there’s nothing else that all antinatalists have in common. Surely there are antinatalists out there who’d support all kinds of things that myself and many other antinatalists wouldn’t support, such as needing a license to become a parent, forced sterilizations, and bans on procreation. The SHK movement doesn’t advocate for any of these things. We support empowering people to not have kids through advertising antinatalism, better education, reliable access to contraception, sterilization and abortion, and provoking mind-expanding conversations through activism.

Some years ago I was hanging out with a fairly new friend. She told me that she might want to have kids one day. Being the honest and no holds barred individual that I am, I told her that if she ever brought someone into this world we wouldn’t be friends anymore. It wasn’t a threat to her to get her to not procreate, I was simply stating a fact. I have no interest in remaining friends with anyone who willingly brings new life into the world, and if any of my friends were ever to do that I would terminate the friendship. This friend of mine was a bit taken aback and thought my stance on procreation and friendships was harsh, but after I explained why I felt this way and she had some time to reflect she actually came to not only understand where I was coming from, but she even agreed with me. She decided on that same day to not have any kids. A few years later she did happen to incur an accidental pregnancy, but she later terminated it, and we are still friends.

Just to clarify, it’s not that I choose not to be friends with people who have biological kids, it’s that I choose not to be friends with anyone who has a biological kid after a friendship between us has been established. I find it deeply and increasingly unethical and disturbing to produce new life, instead of caring for already existing life or just caring for oneself, and would not choose to surround myself with people who believe in adding to the human population here and now. My best friends when I lived in Austin were a couple who had two young boys and this didn’t taint our friendship one bit, but they had those kids way before we ever knew each other and by the time I met them their attitudes toward procreation had drastically changed. 

Most people who are antinatalist would still probably remain friends with other people regardless of whether those friends decide to have kids or not, but I’ve always had very high ethical standards for people who I have relationships with, and I’m very content with my choice to live this way. 

I’m also very content with my decision to never congratulate people when they announce they are having a kid. After all, when was that ever worthy of a congratulations? I believe people who were heavily pressured into having kids, but always stood their ground and never gave in, deserve congratulations.

Another thing that probably sets me apart from most other antinatalists is that I don’t celebrate my birthday. It’s been at least two decades since I last celebrated my birthday, so over half of my life ago since I stopped. Most of my life I’ve wished I was never born, so I personally find it makes no sense to celebrate my birthday. I know I had told my parents on numerous occasions that I wish I had never been born, but just like how two people who get married don’t think about how they may one day get a divorce, people who procreate don’t think about how one day the person who they birthed into the world may wish they had never been born. Now that I’m here I will make the best of my life until I decide to terminate it or until it’s terminated for me.

Billboard on the I-5 in Salem, OR in early 2022.

Not celebrating my birthday doesn’t make me feel like I’m missing out one bit, just like I don’t feel like I’m missing out because I don’t celebrate the day I had sex for the first time or the day that I went vegan or the day that I was free from the worst job I ever worked. I didn’t like people treating me specially on my birthday, and I don’t like the pressure to treat others specially when it’s their birthday. I also don’t enjoy things like the birthday song, opening presents in front of people, and receiving things I don’t want / don’t need. Not celebrating my birthday has been wonderful and I have zero regrets. In fact I don’t participate in any holidays of any kind and that’s one of my favorite life decisions along with being vegan, getting a vasectomy, and not having kids. If I ever did get the out-of-nowhere desire to celebrate my birthday / being born, I could do that any time of the year that I want and in any way I want. It doesn’t have to be on the same day of the year that my birth fell on, and it doesn’t have to be with a cake, presents, cards, or cringe-worthy songs.

The last thing I’d like to discuss that makes me different from most antinatalists is my willingness and eagerness to be outspoken about it. I could be wrong here, but it seems like the majority of antinatalists remain silent about their ethical stance. I have no issue with telling one individual sitting next to me– or the world at large– that human procreation is unethical and that there are much better choices we can make, such as supporting the lives of those who already exist here and now, lives with real desires and real interests that really matter (humans and other animals). We can do better than continuing the cycle and blindly hoping that things will magically get so much better for our species and the world at large.

My first step towards creating Stop Having Kids was when I got a custom cloth face mask made early during the Covidiocracy era. I figured we were going to have to wear masks on our faces for a long time, so I wanted a mask that would offer a valuable and important message to the world. I ordered the mask to say “STOP HAVING KIDS.” Procreation is the catalyst for all suffering and death, nobody can be a victim or a perpetrator had they not existed first, so this message got to the root of all the issues I cared about and I couldn’t wait to start wearing it out in public.

I wasn’t sure how my mask would be taken, but I wore it out everywhere and it sure did attract a lot of attention and provoked a lot of dialogue. I found out that way more people were for this message than I had previously imagined. The vast majority of people who spoke to me because of the mask agreed with me, including people who had previously had children of their own. Even when there wasn’t agreement, I was still able to have polite conversations with people that didn’t end in any kind of  fight or argument. I was shocked to see how big of a conversation starter it was, as a lot of people asked what was meant by the message, or why I thought people should stop having kids. After dealing with so much consistent interest and finding so many people who agreed but needed to be empowered to speak out too, I realized this could be way bigger than this little piece of fabric that covers half of my face as a breathing barrier, so I decided to take the necessary steps to try to turn SHK into a movement.

I never wear the SHK face masks anymore at all as I find covering my face to be unnecessary, uncomfortable, and dehumanizing, but I sport the shirts, hoodie, and bag all the time, and I stand proud holding large signs and banners that say STOP HAVING KIDS and that display other messages but advertise the SHK website at the bottom. It took me a while to reach the outspokenness level I desired for such an important message, a message that actually gets to the root of all of our issues, but I did it and I want as many other people as possible to join.

Like anything else, we don’t need to assign a label to ourselves to be something. Like I mentioned above, I was an antinatalist for over a decade before I found out there was a word for how I felt. People can be antinatalist without labeling themselves as such. People could call themselves anti-procreation, childfree, or just absolutely nothing at all and still have the exact same stance.

One of the most surprising and positive things that has happened since I came up with SHK is getting so much support from parents who agree and even tell us (myself and other SHK participants) that we are right. I didn’t get to my antinatalist stance after having kids of my own, but that’s sadly how many people get to it. Some people develop antinatalist attitudes after having one kid and some develop it after having eight kids or more. We’ve had a lot of teachers, child care professionals, and therapists who love children and agree with our message. Many of these people are happy to have relationships with children while they work, but they are content as can be to not have produced kids of their own and to be able to live their lives with more freedom and possibly less guilt than those who did opt for procreation.

There may always be more humans that are pro perpetuating our species than those who aren’t, but we can’t assume that just because someone has had kids in the past (intentionally or not) that they are always going to be pro human procreation. I understood that having kids was a choice from the time I was a kid myself, but I’ve sadly come to learn that many individuals don’t realize this basic fact until long after they’ve had kids of their own and are all wrinkled and exhausted from life. One of the most satisfying things that happens during SHK events is when older people come up to us and tell us that their kid(s) don’t want to have kids and the people telling us this are satisfied with the decision to opt out of procreation. Sometimes parents tell us that they feel awful about having kids, but at least they have the chance to let their child know that they don’t have to have kids and that forcing new human life into existence isn’t exactly anything close to being a gift or a selfless thing to do.

Doing SHK allows us to show people that they truly do have options, whether they’ve been conditioned to believe they do or not. Some people think it’s only worth advocating for a cause if there’s a belief that the whole world can one day get on the same page as the cause, but I don’t think there will ever be a day where all humans can agree on anything, whether it’s about human procreation or anything else. For now, I’m content being a compassionate antinatalist and inspiring as many others to live with compassionate antinatalist principles too.

Feel free to check out the antinatalism page on the Stop Having Kids website.

Dietz is the founder of of SHK. You can reach him directly at info@stophavingkids.org.